Six years ago I remember rubbing my big round tummy and wondering who is this little one that I call Jelly Bean. Rocking back and forth resting my heavy pregnant feet, visions of me holding my newborn in my arms filled my tired mind with delight. Falling asleep in the middle of the day happened more and more the closer we got to our due date. We wondered if he will arrive on time, because we didn’t want to wait any longer.
My husband and I would sit together with our hands held together feeling Jelly Beans kicking. I could see my husband’s eyes dazzle and his big smile. What kind of Dad am I going to be he wondered?
What shall we name him we? How about Justin? We both loved the way it sounded and we wondered what it would sound like to call him by name. So we started talking to him while he was growing big inside of me. We wondered if he could hear and we were sure that he did from time to time.
When he was born he rested in my arms. I quietly said, “Here I am, mommy is here.” He looked in my eyes and we were not strangers. His Daddy right beside my shoulders calls out, “Justin, hi Justin.” and our newborn lifts his eyes toward his Daddy’s voice.
I will never forget this season in my life. What a beautiful time for James and myself. Never being parents before, we wondered if we were going to do alright.
Soon Kaylee came too and our sense of wonder continued. Who will she be? Will she dance and sing with me? How do I parent her with love all the days of her life?
Now that Justin is six and Kaylee is four we continue to wonder about their life and who they will become. I realize that a sense of wonder is a gift from God. I feel alive when I have someone to hope for and care for.
Wonder can either be filled with fearful concerns or wonder can be full of anticipation for great amazing things to happen.
Being pregnant and being a mommy can feel scary from time to time. We worry for our children and we want to protect them. When I feel scared I turn to the following scripture from the word of God.
For I know the plans I have for you, “declared the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 NIV
We can keep our minds on a future filled with love, joy, and peace for our children.
This is week three of My Brave Series.