by: Liz Jones

http://www.christianworkingmama.blogspot.com

Dear Anxiety,

I believe that you came into my life the day I was born.

There were many down the generational line who battled you.

Some battled you through denial and control, some through isolation and avoiding people, and some through alcohol abuse…

I  remember as a 3rd grader, a teacher pulling me aside and telling me that I needed to SLOW DOWN. She put her hand against my chest and said- “Child, you are going to give yourself a heart attack if you don’t slow down.”

My grandfather died of a heart attack and my father still to this day, suffers with heart disease…

…you have killed and you have wounded my family- you have made many of us cower from the full life that the Maker intended when He made us “fearfully and wonderfully”. https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Psalm%20139:14

I recall as a pre-teen waking up one morning and sensing that nothing was the same inside of me.

I felt “off”, I felt painfully insecure, lonely and scared.

These fears increased as I went about my daily routine.

I did not tell anyone about them, but just tried to make them go away- for many, many years …

I tried dangerous and unhealthy relationships, substance abuse, achievement (school and sports)…honestly- I tried everything I could think of…

When I was in college I hit rock bottom-I was constantly in emotional pain, my relationships were dangerous and I found myself wanting to die. I told my mother who took me to the doctor. He prescribed me some medication. It helped. I was able to function again- but the fears still lingered- at night when I couldn’t sleep, when I was alone, when I got too close to people, when I could not find something to control…

I learned about Jesus during this time and I became stronger…

But over the years pregnancy, marriage struggles, relational wounds being re-opened have made me aware of you and you have flooded my system with panic, sleepless nights and days of illness- both physical and emotional.

Surprisingly, I have learned to accept you- not the lies you tell me- but the fact that you are not to be feared. When you come around I don’t run from you, I run to Him and I bring you with me.  I let God who walk me through it all, up and over and around and back again and each time I become softer, more open to healing and more accepting of your presence as a means to be closer to my Savior.

Anxiety- you are around, you come and go…but I have something to say to you now when you come…I still take the medication, I still function very well, but now I LIVE and I LIVE because of the Holy Spirit living in me.

Anxiety- although you have been an enemy for many years, my Jesus has used you to bring me closer to Him than ever before,  and THIS is why I am an OVERCOMER in the MIDST of my ANXIETY.