What do I say – She Had a Miscarriage?


A friend of mine had a miscarriage and here is her story.  Thank You my sweet friend!

I can’t say that I was completely unprepared for the news. After all, I had been bleeding for two days before my scheduled eight week prenatal appointment. Deep down I knew something was wrong but I had been willing myself to believe that when I walked into that doctor’s office she would check me out, tell me everything was fine, and scold me for being so worried. I’ll never forget that moment where I saw the outline of my third child on the ultrasound monitor, but there was no heartbeat. The fact was, my baby had stopped growing approximately two weeks prior.

I held it together as I gathered my things and rushed to my car. I called my husband and whispered the bad news in two sentences. Called my mom. Called my sister. That’s one thing I must admit. I have an amazing support system. I have many friends and family members that have lost a child in various stages of life. I was never alone. It was my fault for not utilizing them more.

My worst enemy was not other people’s thoughtless words, it was the thoughts in my head.

As the weeks went by, I struggled to feel justified in my grief. I have two other healthy children, how dare I be upset? Lots of moms can’t even have one biological child. And I was only nine weeks. Why was I so emotionally attached?

People tried to be supportive but I could see in their eyes that having not experienced miscarriage they really didn’t get what I was going through. I got a few “God has a plan.”, “You’ll get pregnant again.”, and “You’ll see them in heaven .”comments, which while true were not helpful.

I also really struggled with the fact that my sister-in-law was two weeks behind me in her pregnancy and I had really looked forward to having babies so close in age. All of her pregnancy milestones were sharp reminders of experiences taken from me. For months, every Sunday, I made a mental note of what week I should be on and grieved afresh.

Well, last week was my due date. I was grateful that there were no tears and very little pain left. I would never choose to experience miscarriage and given the option I would pick a healthy baby every time, but there has been blessings on this journey.

My husband and I never have had to grieve together and this greatly strengthened the bond we have. Our pastors like to say, “God doesn’t waste pain.” and I now know that to be true. When I interact with couples that are in the trenches of miscarriage I can give them a level of understanding that otherwise would never be possible.

I have a confidence now in my faith that ,having gone through the toughest experience of my adult life and felt my Savior’s loving arms the whole way, I know that I can face anything and be OK in Him. “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him!”

If you are shedding tears for that baby you long to hold, hang on. You will one day be OK. If you are blessed to never know this pain please don’t feel like you have to say something to make us feel better. All we need is your hug, the occasional “How are you doing?” and to know that you’re riding out this storm with us no matter how ugly it becomes.

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