Children Want To Be Known For Who They Are and Not For What Others Think They Should Be.

building blocks

Every child has an opinion and they want to feel heard.  They want to express themselves without being told that they shouldn’t feel that way or think that way.   I believe they should be free to do so. 

Every child has likes and dislikes.  They want us to know that they have preferences and that they are different then we are in some ways.   I believe that they need to be respected and not constantly challenged to conform to what others think they should like or dislike. 

Every child wants to feel free to disagree and not be shamed for it.  No one wants to be made to feel guilty if they have a different perspective.   I believe children need to discover truths without being persuaded or condemned. 

Every child desires to explore and discover their ideas.  It gets exhausting for them when they constantly have to follow someone else’s wants and needs.  I believe children need to be asked open ended questions that challenge them to look for understanding, instead of making them feel that their way doesn’t matter.

How can a child grow up thinking for themselves if they lived in an environment where they were constantly told how they should feel, think, live, and breathe?

There is absolutely no way a child can discover what they like and don’t like if they are busy pleasing others and conforming to everybody else selfish wants.

Have you ever been around people pleasers?  Or people that can’t tell you what they want to do?  How about those that have no clue what they like or don’t like?

More than likely these grownups grew up in very controlling homes. 

Have you been around adults who don’t know who they are and they look for love in all the wrong places?   Adults who turn to sinful and harmful acts because they feel so empty.

More than likely these grownup grew up in very controlling homes.

Maybe like me you can identify with some of these traits.  Maybe like me you have grown up with some family members that make you feel that it’s their way or highway.

Over this weekend I found myself wrecked when my decision made someone very angry at me.  I told this person no and they tried to shame me and make me feel guilty.

I defended myself and told this person to shut their mouth.   I’m o.k. with what I said.  I’m not o.k. with the deep rage of anger I felt.  I was not just angry toward this person entirely.   But angry inside that I have viewed life through the lens of shame and I have performed out of guilt.  I didn’t need this person to tell me how I should feel.  No one has the right to tell others how they should feel.

I asked God, why this hurtful experience felt so earth shattering.  And He gently showed me that I want to be known and accepted. 

Today I feel overwhelmed with my lack of parenting skills.   Am I controlling and demanding my kids to conform?

I’m messing up.

The good news though, is that I can change.  But I had to first come to this realization.  My children are not me.  They are their own unique special beings.  God created them with their gifts and talents.  God designed them to see and do things differently than me.

I want my children to discover who they are and I want them to feel known.

The picture I share today makes me wonder.  What will my kids build with the things that are put in front of them.  I want to discover who they are!!!

What can we do as parents to help our children feel that they are who they are because God made them to be who they are?   I’d love to hear your thoughts and ideas.

2 thoughts on “Children Want To Be Known For Who They Are and Not For What Others Think They Should Be.

  1. Oh, Lisa, we are all ‘messing up’! It’s just a part of this journey. We will continue to learn, to grow, and yes, to mess up, all along the way. Isn’t it marvelous though that we are forgiven? Not only by our gracious Lord, but our children are (usually) quick to forgive as well. How humbling, yes?

    It’s a fine line in parenting. We need to form firm boundaries for our kids to 1.) keep them safe, and 2.) to bring them in alignment with God’s standard of moral behavior. We cannot shirk this. However, we must also give them freedom within those boundaries to explore and grow and learn in the way they do best. Whew!! What a tightrope it is sometimes!

    I find it tricky to not go too far in the opposite direction from how I was raised. My folks were strict. My way or the highway, for sure! So I have a tendency to be too relaxed. Then character issues crop up that should have been dealt with earlier. It’s hard.

    Praise Jesus, we don’t have to do this perfectly. His love covers so much! Grace and peace to you, my friend. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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