My motherhood journey began twenty-two years ago as a single, broken nineteen year old girl.
He wasn’t even born yet and God had already used this boy to bring me back to Him and encouraged me that He would be right there taking care of us.
I will never forget the first moment that I held Kyle in my arms. It was one of the sweetest and scariest moments in my life. I realized that this child was depending on me for everything he needed for life, to live.
The first few years were difficult, painful, and flesh dying as God began to work within my heart in deeper ways while I fought Him.
All the while my son is being raised by a single mom, being watched by others as I figure out how to support him and care for him in a way he deserves. I felt very out of control but I pushed through.
One of God’s greatest provisions was my husband, Duane. We were married and he adopted my son Kyle. In my heart and mind, I figured this would make things all better.
I was able to be home more which was such a blessing. I loved having time with Kyle in ways I had missed before.
It was not all a quick fix. I was now learning how to be a wife and a mom. My husband, who never had children was learning to be a dad. I suddenly realized that I was no longer the head of the household and I needed to allow Duane to lead in the place where I had been the leader for awhile.
A few years later, my son David was born. Again I remember that precious moment when they laid him on my chest for the first time and I looked into his eyes. I held another life who was looking to me for love, security, and care.
David and Kyle have completely different personalities and different needs. This was where I began to really deepen my prayer life.
Kyle was such a mirror for me because I saw so many things of myself come out of him. It caused me to go to God in repentance many times. My emotional state was so broken. There were so many mindsets and strongholds to break through for me. I had to say sorry many times to my boys. Especially to Kyle.
Many times now I think back and long for the days when I held Kyle and rocked him to sleep. I would hold his warm body, snuggled against mine as I prayed over him.
I thank God for the sweet and lovely moments among my messy ones.
Many times these boys have spoken truth to me in ways that God used to shine His light on my heart. He has used them in the process of cleaning up the pieces of this broken heart.
God has used Kyle and David to show me unconditional love. I was there mom and even when I was messy and not nice or just dealing with my own stuff, they have given me love, words of encouragement, hugs in my pain, and have just taken time to sit with me and talk.
Kyle is now almost twenty-two and David is 16. He will be seventeen in a few months. I look back and there are so many things I would change to be a better mom.
I have been able to seek forgiveness in those times I have failed. I have been able to reassure my love for them in many ways. I know and trust that God redeems.
I pray that as my boys look back and see that mom from long ago and see the growth and change in me over the years, that they see Jesus. Only he can take that which is broken and restore it. Only He can take what satan meant for evil and use for good. Only He can heal the hearts of mankind and He has healed mine.
It is a continuing process, both motherhood and the restoration process.
Through motherhood, no matter how old my boys are, He continues to show me His heart for me and what was and is really in my heart.
Kyle and David have made my life so much richer. In the midst of my mess, God has used them to bring healing to my heart. Motherhood is a gift, no matter how it comes.
God gave me the family my heart longed for, in the way I needed it.
I have experienced love in a way I never knew possible, I have felt vulnerable in ways I never had before, and I continue to experience sweet and lovely moments of motherhood in the midst of my messiness.
Meet Desiree Taylor
My name is Desiree Taylor. I am a wife to a wonderful man, a mom to two boys Kyle and David. My heart is to share my life and heart in a transparent way to show you how my relationship with Jesus Christ has transformed me from the inside out. I pray my story and writing that you find at my blog;http://www.arenewedcreation.com, causes you to seek God more and draw closer to Him, in a way that brings transformation and freedom to your life.
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3 thoughts on “Motherhood – Lovely Moments Among The Messy Ones by Desiree Taylor”
True words. And speaking to the years ahead, as our children become young adults, then married and then parents themselves – God continues to help us grow in the lovely moments AND the messy ones because such is the heart of our Savior. Thank you for your beautiful words this morning. They are a reminder that even when we are about Others – He is about us. True words – true love.
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I don’t know if there is anyone who can say, “I was the perfect parent”. It is such a learning process for all concerned. But if there is love, there is hope. I think learning to forgive is a big one in a family. Thank you for letting us see a little of your walk through being a single mom. We run a charity in our small town that helps single parents further their education beyond high school. Our first client graduates in June. We are so proud of her.
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Your sweet words touched my heart, Desiree. I am also so very thankful that, “I know and trust that God redeems.”