Kids Need a Cheerleader Not a Critic – The Comparison Trap (parenting tips) by Lisa Brown


There is a spider web on my kitchen light that is driving me crazy and I’m scared of heights. Climbing a ladder makes me dizzy and to be honest, just looking at a ladder makes my palms sweat.

Being afraid of heights has kept me from doing things I want to do. This use to bother me as a child when I was out on the playground and in gym class.  My peers were climbing and doing things that I was afraid to do.  I felt left out and embarrassed.   It was hard not being like the other girls and there were some kids who made fun of me.

When I was in fourth grade I climbed a high tower on the school playground to prove to my peers and myself that I was brave.  I wanted to be like everyone else.

When I had just enough courage to go up to the top I panicked and screamed for help.   I was scared to death that I was going to die and I’m forever grateful for the patient adult who coached me down to safety.

In gym class I was afraid of the balance beam and climbing ropes.  Everyone else was having fun with these activities except me.  I felt like a failure.

I compared myself to other girls and I never measured up.

I still sometimes compare myself to others.  I question my parenting and homemaking skills.  The good news is that I’m getting over myself and I’m starting to appreciate who I am as a person.

Just recently I recognized something in me that was pretty ugly.

I’m not proud to admit this but I sometimes compare my kids to other kids.  Sometimes I think my kids are better and other times I wish my kids were more like their peers.

I don’t like thinking this way.

Being a parent has helped me grow up.

My eight year old boy is on a sport team with kids who are better than he is.   He knows they are and it doesn’t seem to bother him too much.  At least is doesn’t make him want to quit.     He just wants to have fun.

I wish I was more like my son.    I wish that I would of kept doing those things in life that I was not good at.  I wish I would of just had fun and not compete to be like others.

My son does what he wants to do.  He sets goals to improve his skills and he makes progress every time.

I let him be.  I follow his lead.   I don’t criticize his plays or challenge him to be like his team mates.  Instead I cheer him on for being himself.  He doesn’t need me to compare his abilities and skills to others on his team.   He wants to be noticed for what he does right and not what he does wrong. 

He doesn’t need a critic.  He needs me to be his fan and cheerleader.   And I am!!!

It’s important that I remember to focus more on my son’s character then his performance.   It’s my goal to let him play the games he wants to play and explore the places and things that he dreams to go.   His life is to serve God and not fulfill my agenda or anybody else’s.

I remind him that God made him and he is good enough.   I point out his strengths on a regular basis.  I pay attention to what he is interested in and I do my best to make sure that I provide him with opportunities to grow in his interests and desires.

I believe that my son keeps playing the game because he knows that he is loved and winning or losing the game doesn’t define him. 

My son’s attitude reminds me that we are not here on earth to be or do like others.

There is no reason to be like anybody else.  So why compare?  Lets have fun and let our kids have fun in their activities too.



Hi I’m Lisa the creator of this blog.   Thank you for stopping by and sharing your time with me.   I’m a Homeschooling Mom and it is awesome.  Well most of time.  

I have an eight year old boy and six year old daughter.  My husband and I are in love with each other and we enjoy our children.  Well most of time.

Living in the Rocky Mountains of Colorado is amazing and God fills us with His glory daily.

I’m a writer and I blog to inspire, encourage, and help parents.  Before I was married I worked for over twenty years in Early Childhood Education.   I have a Bachelors in Social Work and Early Childhood.  

I’m also the creator of  Gathering Place For Sisters In Christ – Posts About Christian Living .  Love to have you meet with me there too.    I’ve been a Christian for more than forty years.    I’m very thankful that Jesus is my Lord and Savior.  He is indeed the King of Kings.   


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