Parenting Tip On Helping Young Boys Manage Anger and Agression by Lisa Brown


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TJ was so angry that he stomped his feet, formed a fist and growled at his mom like a wild animal does when it’s ready to attack an intruder.  He then says in a threatening voice, “You can’t make me do it and I refuse to.”

His mom was not shocked by his response. Because it’s an ongoing issue in their home.  He gets like this when life doesn’t go according to his plans.

It was a rough day for both of them.  TJ was agitated and frustrated over little things that made no sense to his mom and his mom was irritated with TJ’s lack of cooperation.  He had trouble focusing on the tasks set before him.

TJ’s disobedience throughout the day had to be addressed.  Both of his parents agreed that TJ needed a logical consequence.

The family planned an outing to do together.  TJ couldn’t go unless he did what his parents asked him too.

His parents made it very clear to TJ their expectations, they gave him a time limit, and coached him with very clear directions.

TJ didn’t want to follow directions and he didn’t accomplish the tasks set before him.  He didn’t get to go.

This made him mad and he expressed his anger in aggression.  He threw a chair down, he said mean things and he refused to honor his mom’s request for him to take a break and calm down in a quiet area.

Typically his Mom reacts to TJ in anger, she has threatened, bribed him, or pile up one big consequence on top of the other.

But on this one particular day when eight year old TJ challenged his mom to a physical fight she backed away from him and smiled.

She did something that TJ didn’t expect.   And she used words that spoke to his soul.

This is what she said,

“TJ there is a super hero in you that is trying to come out.  You have all this mighty power in you and you don’t know what to do with it do you?   The bigness that is coming out of you is not hero like behavior.  How about we find something good for you to do so that the hero inside of you can accomplish a mighty act?

TJ was shocked, he smiled and giggled just a little.

TJ’s mom gave him some ideas and he lightened up. The aggressive behavior subsided.

It was a beautiful sight and TJ’s mom was delighted that this approach worked.

TJ’s mom encouraged him to go build a mighty fort or igloo in the snow.  She asked him to do a Superhero job and shovel the snow and clean off her car.  After he agreed to take his superhero power and do something good his mom said she would reward him with a few quarters.

TJ had a wonderful time playing and working in the snow.  But he was sad that he didn’t get to go do the outing with his Dad.   It had been something that he had looked forward to for some time.   It was hard for TJ’s mom to keep him from going but she knew she had to stand her ground.

TJ’s mom was relieved that things turned out this way because they usually don’t.  TJ’s and his mom’s anger typically escalate and Dad has to come in to calm them down.  TJ’s mom sometimes feels anxious when her husband is not home to help her with TJ.

I think TJ’s mom has hit the jack pot with her approach and hopefully her days ahead will be more successful with TJ.

I like the approach TJ’s mom took in this situation.  It’s a creative way to de-escalate a situation where she was being challenged.   She chose not to argue, fight or be aggressive!   And this takes self-control.

I love the words she used.  They were empowering, motivating, and encouraging.  She used words that spoke to the strong and brave side of him.

Boys want to fight and conquer.  But fighting with mom is not what God intended when he created boys to be warriors.   God created boys to protect.

TJ’s mom made a good choice to back out and redirect.   In this she showed him that she was not his enemy and instead she praised the hero that waits inside of him to be discovered.

TJ went to his mom later in the day and asked what else he could do for her.  Part of his motivation was for money but she felt he also wanted to please her.

I think he did too.

 

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Hi I’m Lisa the creator of this blog.   Thank you for stopping by and sharing your time with me.   I’m a Homeschooling Mom and it is awesome.  

I have an eight year old boy and six year old daughter.  My husband and I are in love with each other and we enjoy our children.  

Living in the Rocky Mountains of Colorado is amazing and God fills us with His glory daily.

I’m a writer and I blog to inspire, encourage, and help parents.  Before I was married I worked over twenty years in Early Childhood Education.   I have a Bachelors in Social Work and Early Childhood.  

I’m also the creator of Joy Abounds  –  Christian Living!  Love to have you meet with me there too.  I’ve been a Christian for more than forty years.    I’m very thankful that Jesus is my Lord and Savior.  He is indeed the King of Kings.   

 

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